Fallout 4: We dropped the colon again

Warning: contains mild spoilers – very mild, considering I haven’t even made it out of the vault.  I’ll give you a hint: the world ends.

Back before I was a gamer (last year) I was terribly confused by the fact that Fallout: New Vegas was called Fallout: New Vegas and not Fallout 4. If it wasn’t a sequel, was it some alternate universe Fallout1, like where Spiderman doesn’t become a superhero, and he and Cass retire to become brahmin farmers?
I’m still not sure if it should be considered a true sequel or some proto-evolutionary form of DLC, but Fallout 4 is just Fallout 4, with no colons and, as it turns out, no mohawks.

Mohawk edit

I had to settle for a pompadour.

I didn’t actually think I’d have any time to play it, since it took 7 hours to download, but fortunately my cat helped me out by bazooka barfing starting at 4 AM.

Bwarp

Not a promising beginning to Floyd Winchester’s career, especially when Codsworth2 called me “sir.”

But he only called me “sir” after I restarted the game, because my initial creation scene didn’t come with sound. I closed the game and checked my speakers, only to realize that I’d been listening to Ron Perlman’s opening narration.  Broken tutorial … that’s how you know it’s a Bethesda game!

A restart seemed to fix the problem, and Floyd was ready to face the wasteland, or at least stare creepily at his wife.

Lydia

Lydia?!?  Is that you?

Burdens edit

But then I realized – my character’s other name was “Sole Survivor,” so

Not Lydia

probably not Lydia.

I figured I shouldn’t get too attached.

Divorce edit

I was looking for the prenup when there was a knock at the door.  “It’s that salesman again,” she said.

Plot edit

He was trying to sell me space in a Vault, but I wasn’t buying it:
“Do you really think there’s going to be a war?”
“It’s inevitable, I’m afraid.  Because … ”
“War … war never changes.”

I eventually did buy the Family PakTM, mostly because the baby was crying and I had to go comfort him –
WAIT
I have a baby? How did that happen – well, I mean, I know how it happens3 – but this all kind of … sudden … I mean,  I can’t even get a decent haircut, and you want me to look after an infant?  Or even …

Larva
Holy Sweet Mother of God!  What IS that thing?!?  It looks like a larva.

I was comforting the maggot when Codsworth4 called us in to watch a news broadcast about “flashes of light,” which became “reports of possible – ” which became “nuclear explosions” before the screen went to “Please Stand By.”  I have to admit, it triggered every 80’s-child fear I ever had about nuclear war, and I fully expect to be reliving that scene in my nightmares tonight.

Fortunately, the vault was only two blocks away, so we were able to make the cutscene in time:

Ends well
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

Which turned out to be a pretty darned accurate feeling, as we were unsuspectingly locked into cryogenic pods and frozen for a couple hundred years, with only one break to go to the bathroom and watch another cutscene where evildoers murder my wife and steal my …

Hey?!?  HEY!  Where are you going with my maggot?!?  BRING BACK MY MAGGOT!

before taking another ice nap.

When I finally unfroze, my first horrified thought, according to the character narration, was “why – why would Vault Tec do this?”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Familiar
This all seems strangely familiar …

I will admit that seeing Nora killed did haunt my day at work; Bethesda is good at building sympathy for doomed characters.

So now – it was off to the Wasteland to avenge my wife and find my stolen maggot!

2015-11-10_00009

Or, you know, loot everything in sight.

Also, play Donkey Kong:

Mario

There are minigames.  BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE VAULT.

So I took a minute to jump barrels, while the alarms blared at me to evacuate …

Ended

Your life has ended in the Wasteland.

which is where I left …  1 hour in, and I’m playing a video game in a video game.  Somewhere out there is The Wasteland, and my kidnapped larv … er … son.  But right now, I’ve got to beat the Overseer’s high score.

  1. So an alternate alternate universe.
  2. Codsworth?
  3. It involves storks.  And super mutants.
  4. Seriously, who names a robot Codsworth?
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One thought on “Fallout 4: We dropped the colon again

  1. Pingback: Fallout 4: We dropped the colon again | The Cthulhu Conspiracy

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