Fallout 4: We dropped the colon again

Warning: contains mild spoilers – very mild, considering I haven’t even made it out of the vault.  I’ll give you a hint: the world ends.

Back before I was a gamer (last year) I was terribly confused by the fact that Fallout: New Vegas was called Fallout: New Vegas and not Fallout 4. If it wasn’t a sequel, was it some alternate universe Fallout1, like where Spiderman doesn’t become a superhero, and he and Cass retire to become brahmin farmers?
I’m still not sure if it should be considered a true sequel or some proto-evolutionary form of DLC, but Fallout 4 is just Fallout 4, with no colons and, as it turns out, no mohawks.

Mohawk edit

I had to settle for a pompadour.

I didn’t actually think I’d have any time to play it, since it took 7 hours to download, but fortunately my cat helped me out by bazooka barfing starting at 4 AM.


Not a promising beginning to Floyd Winchester’s career, especially when Codsworth2 called me “sir.”

But he only called me “sir” after I restarted the game, because my initial creation scene didn’t come with sound. I closed the game and checked my speakers, only to realize that I’d been listening to Ron Perlman’s opening narration.  Broken tutorial … that’s how you know it’s a Bethesda game!

A restart seemed to fix the problem, and Floyd was ready to face the wasteland, or at least stare creepily at his wife.


Lydia?!?  Is that you?

Burdens edit

But then I realized – my character’s other name was “Sole Survivor,” so

Not Lydia

probably not Lydia.

I figured I shouldn’t get too attached.

Divorce edit

I was looking for the prenup when there was a knock at the door.  “It’s that salesman again,” she said.

Plot edit

He was trying to sell me space in a Vault, but I wasn’t buying it:
“Do you really think there’s going to be a war?”
“It’s inevitable, I’m afraid.  Because … ”
“War … war never changes.”

I eventually did buy the Family PakTM, mostly because the baby was crying and I had to go comfort him –
I have a baby? How did that happen – well, I mean, I know how it happens3 – but this all kind of … sudden … I mean,  I can’t even get a decent haircut, and you want me to look after an infant?  Or even …

Holy Sweet Mother of God!  What IS that thing?!?  It looks like a larva.

I was comforting the maggot when Codsworth4 called us in to watch a news broadcast about “flashes of light,” which became “reports of possible – ” which became “nuclear explosions” before the screen went to “Please Stand By.”  I have to admit, it triggered every 80’s-child fear I ever had about nuclear war, and I fully expect to be reliving that scene in my nightmares tonight.

Fortunately, the vault was only two blocks away, so we were able to make the cutscene in time:

Ends well
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

Which turned out to be a pretty darned accurate feeling, as we were unsuspectingly locked into cryogenic pods and frozen for a couple hundred years, with only one break to go to the bathroom and watch another cutscene where evildoers murder my wife and steal my …

Hey?!?  HEY!  Where are you going with my maggot?!?  BRING BACK MY MAGGOT!

before taking another ice nap.

When I finally unfroze, my first horrified thought, according to the character narration, was “why – why would Vault Tec do this?”

This all seems strangely familiar …

I will admit that seeing Nora killed did haunt my day at work; Bethesda is good at building sympathy for doomed characters.

So now – it was off to the Wasteland to avenge my wife and find my stolen maggot!


Or, you know, loot everything in sight.

Also, play Donkey Kong:


There are minigames.  BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE VAULT.

So I took a minute to jump barrels, while the alarms blared at me to evacuate …


Your life has ended in the Wasteland.

which is where I left …  1 hour in, and I’m playing a video game in a video game.  Somewhere out there is The Wasteland, and my kidnapped larv … er … son.  But right now, I’ve got to beat the Overseer’s high score.

  1. So an alternate alternate universe.
  2. Codsworth?
  3. It involves storks.  And super mutants.
  4. Seriously, who names a robot Codsworth?

One thought on “Fallout 4: We dropped the colon again

  1. Pingback: Fallout 4: We dropped the colon again | The Cthulhu Conspiracy

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