Sigh. I just don’t get Piper … I come back after a hard day of being murdered by everything the Commonwealth can throw at me, and all I want is a little down time, maybe catch a nap, and what do I find?
She’s letting Mama Murphy shack up in our shack.
“Hi honey,” I say as I’m walking through the door – well actually, there isn’t a door, because doors are fcking impossible to build in this game, but through the entrance, anyway – “I’m beat. I sure could use a pick me up,” thinking she’ll hand me sum bubblegum or a Nuka Cola. Instead, Mama Murphy hands me a crack pipe.
“I get this from a cook in Red Rock Canyon,” she said. “It’ll mess you up good. I’ve seen it in your futura.”
“I got a lady you should meet,” I say. “Name’s Cait. Why don’t you head over to the Red Rocket Truck Stop and get the hell out of my house.”
I crash out on the bed, and when I wake up – no “Lover’s Embrace,” Piper’s nowhere to be seen, and when I check the bed –
“What’d I say to piss you off this time, baaaaaaabie?” I ask when I finally see her.
“These things literally saved my life once,” she said, handing me sum Fancy Lad Snack Cakes.
OK, I just … you know what? I think I need to chill out for a while. Go back on the road.
Sigh. I remember when things were simple. Just me and Nick, wandering the Wasteland, looting buildings and dispensing justice. I remember that freak who was making potted meat out of feral ghouls … well, mostly I remember Trader Rylee …
Hey, didn’t she come from a Vault? That might be a good vacation from the drama here in Sanctuary.
Turns out I’d passed Vault 81 half-a-dozen times; it’s almost at the beginning of the map, but I’d been dying so often at that point I didn’t dare go someplace I couldn’t run away from really quickly.
The first thing I saw – well, besides the vault door, obviously – actually, that was the first thing I saw, since it was sealed and the Overseer was saying I would have to do them a “favor” to get in.
Like, whack somebody? Is this the mafia vault? I thought that was Nick Valentine.
Turns out I just had to find 3 fusion cores, which was easy since I had like twenty ’cause I never use power armor because I’m afraid of running out of fusion cores. Accounting will do that do you.
So I get in, and I’m glad I did, because otherwise I never would have met the Overseer, or, as I call her “Atom Bomb Baby”
She takes my fusion cores and gives me 100 bottlecaps –
wait, 100 caps for 3 fusion cores? Why, if she wasn’t a redhead …
She told me they usually didn’t let strangers in, but something something something … I couldn’t hear her over the sound of my heart breaking. I said I loved her, but she didn’t have a dialogue option for that; she just sasheyed (is that how you spell it?) back to her office and left me to sweep up the pieces of my broken heart.
I wandered despondently into the Vault and tried to strike up a conversation, but everyone was busy trying to keep the place from falling apart, or so they told me.
I had my suspicions, since it turned out it wasn’t just Overseer Gwen – all the Girls of Vault 81 looked like they just stepped out of Vogue, like Schoolteacher Katy:
Maybe it’s the Vault 81 jumpsuits; they are very flattering. Even Deacon was rockin’ one –
Or the fact that they have a barber. I couldn’t get a mohawk, but I did decide to go blonde:
I went to Overseer Gwen’s office to offer my help in fixing the vault, or becoming her love slave, or whatever else she needed, but <sigh> she was asleep. No one else seemed interested in talking to me until I saved some girl’s cat, which – given game logic – I’d seen run past me hours earlier but had been unable to touch until I got the quest.
I’d figured it for a goner, what with the deathclaws and mirelurks and lack of canned tuna, but – well, actually, given my cats, it doesn’t surprise me that what would kill anything else, including a rabid deathclaw, would run in terror from a cat. I’m always amused when new neighbors tell me not to worry about their dog, because he “likes cats”. Yeah, mister, not the cat I’m worried about; it’s your dog’s self-esteem when he meets Tabby.
I’m rambling. I’ve been drinking heavily trying to keep my mind off Overseer Gwen, but even after crawling through tunnel infested with contagious plague rats –
I still can’t stop thinking about her. After I defeated the rats and got the antidote to cure Little Timmy – I mean, Austin – she offered to let me use a room … but it wasn’t hers. Sigh.
I wandered down to the engine room – I mean, the reactor, where I found out the engineer was on drugs. After some conversation checks, I convinced him to kick the habit, then I took them all myself –
Finally I broke down and went to see a doctor.
“Doctor, doctor,” I said, “can’t you see I’m burning, burning?”
She turned around –