Orange Cat Blues

Editor’s note: after three days of fog, ice, and freezing rain, Mr. Raymond attempted to forget the weather by playing sum Fallout 4, whereupon he discovered that the Railroad questline was irreparably glitched.  We believe he suffered some kind of emotional breakdown at that point; he was last seen wandering into the casino bar, declaring his intention to remain there “until the thaw.”  We hope he will return before the vernal equinox, but in the interim, we have decided to run some of his older work.  All we can do is hope the beer lasts.  God only knows what may happen if he turns to the rum…

Orange Cat Blues

… so when Tabby threw down the double-5 bone, I was, as they say, starting to get a little concerned, especially since I was looking at the same bone in my own hand, and Tabby was out, so it was time to lay down the dominos, and I didn’t think it was gonna exactly go unnoticed, if you know what I mean, but then I look over at Tabby and he gives me a wink out of his good eye, and then he lights a 100 string of firecrackers and throws ‘em on the table, and they’re popping and hissing and throwing smoke, and he grabs the money and a bottle of Old Crow, and comes up out of his seat like he’s flyin’ and does a right hook ninja kick and flips the table over, there’s bones and firecrackers and people screaming, and Tabby’s out the door before I can even grab my harmonica, I make it to the door just as the guns start firing, and he’s already roaring out of the parking lot, I just have time to grab the running board and we’re gone, I dunno how the hell we made the turn onto Uvas Canyon Road, we’re up on two wheels by that point, and I’m screamin, “You crazy sumbitch!” and he’s laughing and pounding the steering wheel and sucking on the whiskey like it was mama-cat’s milk, he’s got the Stones on louder than the Devil and he must have left rubber from Gilroy straight to Almaden.  We finally fall through the door, it’s like one o’clock, and Naomi’s waitin’ up for him, in her pink bathrobe and fuzzy mouse slippers, hair in curlers and a rolling pin in each hand, he barely has time to say, “Aw, baby …” and she’s on top of him, bouncing off the walls Matrix-style to get him from every angle, and I’m yelling, “Not his leg!  Not his leg!  We just got the leg fixed!” and he sees his break and he’s out the door, she’s got his tail in her teeth, and the last time this happened I didn’t hear from them for two months, just got a postcard from La Croix with rum stains on it, so I turn around to go the hell to bed, and there’s Silver, standing in her dinosaur jammies, rubbing her eyes and holding Mr. Wiggle by the ears, so I pick her up and go back to her room and we have a tea party, and by the time I get her back to bed it’s 4 in the morning and time to go to work …

… and the hell of it, I never did ask where he got the truck.

Um, so, yeah … good morning.


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