The Space Bankers: Space X Makes First Contact

Remember, you heard it here first.

As if we needed any further proof that the end is near.  Now SpaceX says it will send two “unnamed individuals” (read: big donors) for a weeklong flight “beyond the moon.”  (That is … somewhere in Deep Space.)

How interesting … it won’t let me hyperlink the article.  It’s probably coincidence … of course, everything is coincidence, right up until it isn’t.  They’ve been doing this for a while.  You can get away with anything, so long as nobody cares to look for the truth.  Don’t hide it … just make it boring.

Here’s the entire link:

“Just beyond the moon” … nothing more specific.  Wouldn’t want anyone to be able to point a telescope at it.  That would reveal more than They care to admit at this time.

The entire thing is purposely vague.  No times, no dates, no details.  Seems likely they didn’t actually want to say anything, but they had to before it was leaked.  So they said just enough to stop it from being newsworthy.  Just a couple of “anonymous donors” taking a rocket flight.  Just like any other day.  Right?

Just two space-happy billionaire tourists.  Right.  Why can’t we know their names?  We only know they paid a “significant deposit.”  Lodge fees, for the Bilderberg Group, that is.  Only the extremely wealthy could afford to do something like that.  Does anyone know Bill Gates’ itinerary?  Why spend all that money, to go to some unnamed point somewhere in Deep Space …

… maybe to meet with the Space Bankers?  The time must be drawing near.  Probably they received a message of some kind.

“Come and see,” it would have said.  “We’re waiting.  Show us you can get here.”

The Space Bankers are waiting, out beyond the orbit of the moon.

The plans are nearly complete.  The election is over, and the last steps are being made.  With restrictions off the market, soon we’ll see another financial collapse like 2008, funneling even more money upwards to pay for more rockets … the sky will be thick with them.

Count on it.  Soon after they return (if they return … there is no reason SpaceX has to make the reentry public … could They be sending something … or someone … back?)

Funny how Tesla is building a huge plant in Reno … close to Area 51, and Henderson.  There is a lot of desert out there to hide in.  But don’t worry.  He says it’s for making batteries.  Believe that, and you can sleep at night, until they take your home.

We have only just begun to piece together the truth, but all that I have written is coming true.  Keep your eyes peeled, my friends.  We’ve only just begun.





Call of Cthulhu: The Most Important Question

I’ve scoured the Internet high and low, to no avail.  I’ve gazed into the Nietzschean abyss, but lo! there was no wisdom to be found.  I even asked the crackheads at the Bottle Shop, and they usually know everything.

No one can tell me the most important thing about Call of Cthulhu:

Will we be able to unlock new haircuts?!?

I’m thinking … Bob Ross afro

Or at least – some new hats?

Maybe someone will write a mod

Or … OMG … could it be possible!  Think of the sanity-shattering implications of that most awful truth, kept hidden for centuries in the unhallowed corners of the distant and abominable earth, watched over by drug-crazed adepts of forbidden cults ….

Will we be able to dress up Cthulhu?!?

Speaking of the maddening abyss, Sunless Sea is free to play on Steam.  Go get eaten by a squid.


Call of Cthulhu: Lifting the Veil

I’ve been hearing rumors that Call of Cthulhu was due out sometime late in 2017, but I wasn’t able to find any actual links or announcements from the studio itself.  It was like IGN just went to bed with a terrible headache, and when it woke up, it just knew that CoC was “due for release 4th quarter 2017

The strangeness has been increasing as we come closer and closer to that time – it was rumored that half the production team had to be institutionalized due to “the maddening whispers of sussurating voices late at night where no words should be” but also, following a playtest session at their Charleston studio, the nearby wildlife became … tainted

Furthermore, a mysterious silence has fallen over The Sinking City, the other Lovecraftian game that was due out in 2017.  Shoggoths?  Perhaps.

But at long last, archaeologists working in forbidden corners of the Internet have unearthed an ancient and heretofore unknown interview with the game designers, along with some gameplay review.  Needless to say, all that follows is unspeakable, not to mention eldritch:


Also, that guy really needs to be in a Star Wars movie, along with this guy:


although apparently in Call of Cthulhu you are not able to whip out a lightsaber and bring the lasery death.  Or actually, apparently defend yourself in any way.

One of the fun things about playing Layers of Fear after Skyrim was going from an undead-slaying demigod to an insane painter who walks with a leg brace.  It really felt like missing a step on a stair to reach for your trusty mace only to realize you left it in your other game.  Although by that point, the ghost was usually eating your face.

Same thing applies in Call of Cthulhu, where your primary weapon is “knowin’ stuff.”  I’m happy they’re keeping the RPG dynamic that “knowin’ stuff” about the Mythos also costs you valuable marble space in your head, and that you gradually go crazy as the true horror of the universe unfolds itself.  It will hopefully make a nice tradeoff where you spend the entire game uncertain of how much you can know before going off the deep end, always wanting to turn the next page but afraid of going too far.

Which kind of describes learning physics, actually.  I knew HPL was onto something.

The story starts with a mysterious fire –

I knew it.  When you absolutely, positively have to kill every eldritch abomination in the room, always go for fire.  It’s primal.  It’s cleansing.  It never actually seems to work, but it does give you some nice treacherous architecture to impale yourself on.

…. a mysterious fire on a foreboding New England island.  No, not that one!  Probably!

… a mysterious fire that no one seems to want to talk about, until you are hired to determine what, ultimately, happened on that fateful night.

It’s probably safe to assume things go downhill from there.

So don’t make any plans for Autumn, and in the meantime, keep you eyes on the heavens.  Watch out for planetary alignments, comet sightings, and most especially orange alligators.

Fhtaghn, cultists.