The Space Bankers: Space X Makes First Contact

Remember, you heard it here first.

As if we needed any further proof that the end is near.  Now SpaceX says it will send two “unnamed individuals” (read: big donors) for a weeklong flight “beyond the moon.”  (That is … somewhere in Deep Space.)

How interesting … it won’t let me hyperlink the article.  It’s probably coincidence … of course, everything is coincidence, right up until it isn’t.  They’ve been doing this for a while.  You can get away with anything, so long as nobody cares to look for the truth.  Don’t hide it … just make it boring.

Here’s the entire link:

“Just beyond the moon” … nothing more specific.  Wouldn’t want anyone to be able to point a telescope at it.  That would reveal more than They care to admit at this time.

The entire thing is purposely vague.  No times, no dates, no details.  Seems likely they didn’t actually want to say anything, but they had to before it was leaked.  So they said just enough to stop it from being newsworthy.  Just a couple of “anonymous donors” taking a rocket flight.  Just like any other day.  Right?

Just two space-happy billionaire tourists.  Right.  Why can’t we know their names?  We only know they paid a “significant deposit.”  Lodge fees, for the Bilderberg Group, that is.  Only the extremely wealthy could afford to do something like that.  Does anyone know Bill Gates’ itinerary?  Why spend all that money, to go to some unnamed point somewhere in Deep Space …

… maybe to meet with the Space Bankers?  The time must be drawing near.  Probably they received a message of some kind.

“Come and see,” it would have said.  “We’re waiting.  Show us you can get here.”

The Space Bankers are waiting, out beyond the orbit of the moon.

The plans are nearly complete.  The election is over, and the last steps are being made.  With restrictions off the market, soon we’ll see another financial collapse like 2008, funneling even more money upwards to pay for more rockets … the sky will be thick with them.

Count on it.  Soon after they return (if they return … there is no reason SpaceX has to make the reentry public … could They be sending something … or someone … back?)

Funny how Tesla is building a huge plant in Reno … close to Area 51, and Henderson.  There is a lot of desert out there to hide in.  But don’t worry.  He says it’s for making batteries.  Believe that, and you can sleep at night, until they take your home.

We have only just begun to piece together the truth, but all that I have written is coming true.  Keep your eyes peeled, my friends.  We’ve only just begun.





My Christmas Special

A little Solstice something for all the cultists here at Conspiracy Central.  I should have posted this two days ago, but honestly all I have been doing for the past week is gorging myself on ham and green bean casserole.  Hmm … canned goodness topped with deep fried vegetables.  It positively screams 1950’s heart attack Americana!

Meanwhile, you can while away the winter by listening to Martian Migraine editor Scott R Jones recite my story “We Three Kings,” from Cthulhusattva: Tales of the Black Gnosis, available wherever eldritch literature is sold.  Like that little shop round the corner from you, that wasn’t there yesterday.  Say hi to Danielle for me.

Wasn’t that lovely, boys and ghouls?

If you still have any SAN left, why don’t you stop by Martian Migraine Press and pick yourself up a copy?

Skyrim: Ooh, shiny!

I couldn’t have been more than seven or eight, I guess, when I saw my first UFO.  Maybe not even that old, since Star Wars came out when I was around four1, and I define everything in my life from that moment, and I wasn’t thinking about Stormtroopers when I saw it.  Call it 1978, then, when I saw the UFO gliding silently back and forth just above the backyard fence line.  Back then, there was nothing but vacant lots behind us, so I had a clear view, and there was no mistaking it: it was a narrow band of white lights rotating vertically in the air as the craft itself moved silently back and forth, almost as if it was looking … or, maybe … hunting … for something.

It was night, and I’d never seen a UFO before, so I had no way of knowing how far away it was.  At one moment it seemed little more than a speck in the distance; the next, it might have been hovering directly over the fence.  And while that would have made it a very small UFO, that wasn’t much comfort to a pre-K rugrat who was witnessing an alien invasion in his own backyard.

Naturally, I ran inside screaming at the top of my lungs.  Fortunately, and further proof that life rarely meets its full potential for comedy, the babysitter didn’t faint or have a panic attack.  Instead, she pointed out that what I was seeing was a night-flying advertising plane:

dns-header (1)
But it’s an alien plane, I tell you!

I don’t know if they even have them anymore, but back in 1978, advertising planes were the hottest thing next to the G Channel Saturday night movie2.  During the day, they’d tow banners for for insurance companies and tire stores.  At night, using esoteric technology we still do not fully understand3, they’d use a lighted banner that ran across the wings:


Tell me that isn’t a UFO.  OK, maybe the propeller noise gives it away, but my personal UFO was too far away for me to hear that.

Ever since that day, I’ve had a fascination with lights in the sky, like the reflections of car headlights across low-lying clouds (my second UFO sighting) or the test-firing of a Polaris missile of the Pacific Coast (seen at the drive-in, which went the way of the Edsel, the dinosaurs, and the G-channel movie).

Which is why Skyrim is messing with my head.

Fallout, too:

So … SHINY … 

But I think Skyrim’s visual style makes those lights more tempting – I’ve walked through parks that looked a lot like Riften, but I haven’t yet walked through the urban ruins of a post-apocalyptic city4,, which means there’s less to relate to in the darkness of Fallout.

So very often I’ll be roaming around Skyrim late at night and I’ll see, off in the distance:

And … I … just … can’t … help … myself!  Like a moth to the flame … and usually with the same results, ’cause it’s not like anything wandering the wilderness of Skyrim is looking to sell you Amway insurance5.

Granted, the light isn’t in the sky, precisely, but it makes up for that by reminding me of a jack o’ lantern.  In fact, maybe it’s not just lights in the sky, but lights in the darkness, or unusual lights in the darkness …  the actinic glare of streetlights, or the dull tint of taillights; even the cheerful glow of a porch light is too common, too expected.  But the flickering orange grin of a jack o’ lantern in the warm velvet night of October, or the electric flash of a radio tower aircraft warning beacon… something is happening with them.  There are secrets to be found.

In Skyrim, those secrets are usually fatal:


But I just can’t help it! I see a flash in the darkness and I wonder if it’s a video glitch, or maybe the alcohol is beginning to dissolve my optic nerves … then I see it again … is something there …?  There is!  And it turns out to be a pyromancer hurling flaming death at a dragon, all of which had nothing to do with me.

That’s part of the appeal, I think – you don’t expect to come across activity at night, in the wilderness.  You’re not expecting anything to be happening, out there in the woods, except for the occasional wolf.  Fantasy is about the forgotten, the lost and lonely – ancient dungeons, untravelled wilderness.  And especially at night, when horrors abound, you don’t expect to see people about.  And the glow in the distance is the mark of something active, often something intelligent.

Of course, when those others are a void demigod and an Elder dragon, that’s probably a party you don’t want any part of:

So I’m trying to restrain myself, although I’m not sure why, since in any video game, the general rule is, if you can see it, you’re gonna have to kill it.  Which makes me wonder why Lydia is always screaming “I’ll kill you if I have to!” ’cause, c’mon Liddie Bug, it’s not like there’s some other way this fight is gonna turn out.

I thought I had a pretty good handle on my peculiar obsession, until I moved up here to cow country.  From what I hear, there are more UFOs than people up here, and the only reason we have any cows left is because the aliens won’t go near all the secret military bases.  Now I find myself listening to the police scanner and watching the horizon for that telltale glow.  Which is when Skyrim decided to go meta on me, because I went outside last night and discovered …

… my neighbor has a drone.

Yeah, this is not gonna help the schizophrenia.

  1. Yes, the original New Hope one, back in 1978. I’m old.
  2. The G-Channel was the cable company’s TV channel. Back when cable had those A/B switch boxes. It played a movie on Saturday night. One movie. Usually five years after it was out in the theatre. And that’s what was happening, on Saturday night. Nothing like the G-Channel movie and a big bowl of popcorn drowned in butter, salt, and MSG. Then you’d go play Space Invaders on your Atari 2600 with the wood paneling. Hey, all you kids get off my lawn!
  3. Roswell space alien technology, is what we now think.
  4. Post-apocalyptic suburbia, yes.
  5. Do they even have Amway anymore?  Or is that another of my antiquated 70’s references?

The Space Bankers Have Arrived

I’m glad someone’s taking the time to publish the important news:

Thunder Energies Corporation Announces Apparent Detection of Anomalous Entities in Tallahassee, Florida

Not a story I’d normally expect to see on Yahoo!, let alone Yahoo’s Finance page.  I guess they’ve realized the presidential campaign is just a front for the real powers that run the world, and are finally ready to print the Truth.

It’s probably because we finally have the proof.  This high-powered telescope was apparently able to take a direct observation of these “anomalous entities,” whatever they are … the article doesn’t actually say.  Nor does it say what makes them think they’re entities rather, than

thunder red 1

lens flare.

Although it would go a long way to explaining Florida.  And when you’re dealing with the kind of brilliant mind that can detect antimatter galaxies, probably explaining why orange blobs are entities, or what makes them anomalous, or why you even bothered turning your telescope toward another building rather than, say, the sky, is all just too trivial to bother explaining.  So I’m sure we should totally take this article at face value, especially because it was on Yahoo’s Finance page, even though, as far as I can tell, it doesn’t have anything to do with finance.

But what really worries me isn’t that we might be surrounded by invisible and yet ominously anomalous entities, but that they were found at a Tax Collector Building.

Thunder tax collector
Srsly.  “Tax Collector.”

Which … I just … shouldn’t the sign say IRS?  Or at least Merrill Lynch?

But I can’t worry about that right now, because this means we might have our first positive photographic proof of The Space Bankers!

Obviously, they’ve come to monitor the presidential election, possibly even intervening in world affairs to make sure Trump gets elected.

It’s the only explanation that makes sense.  Because if that’s not the explanation, the only alternative would be that some whackadoo paid Yahoo to run his story.

And that’s just crazy talk.


Call of Cthulhu Video Game: First Trailer

I haven’t been blogging as much ’cause I’ve been sick.  The doctor says it’s just a cold, but I’m pretty sure it’s zika, even though they’ve been spraying for mosquitos …

… hmm.

Actually, I got sick right about the time they started spraying.  Coincidence?   If I were going to test a secret Army bioweapon, I’d look for a small, isolated town in the middle of nowhere, ideally with limited road access, so I could blockade the population if it turned into a pandemic.

This is a map of Modoc County.  The red dot is Alturas.  The white space is miles of untracked cow-haunted wilderness.  There are no other towns with a significant population in the entire county.  There are two roads out of the city: one leads to hellish badlands of the Nevada desert, the other to mountains that are impassible when it’s snowing.  We could be Ground Zero for the zombie plague, and no one would know until the weekly beer delivery at the casino.


Attribution: By Arkyan – My own work, based on public domain information. Based on similar map concepts by Ixnayonthetimmay, CC BY-SA 3.0,

Yeah, I’m surprised we’ve lasted this long.

So this may be my last post, although as bioweapons go, “bad head cold” probably isn’t going to terrify the Chinese.

Speaking of certain and utter doom, the first trailer is out for Cyanide Studio’s Call of Cthulhu game.

Okay … see … I just … you know that old joke about what happens if you drop a nuclear bomb on Cthulhu?  How he reforms fifteen minutes later, only now he’s radioactive?  And how you’ve heard it so many freakin’ times you swear you’ll slap the shoggoth out of the next drooling fanboy who tells it to you?  It’s like the joke that is as undying as the Big C Himself?

That HPL quote about “the oldest and strongest emotion is fear” is kind of getting that way for me.  It’s everywhere!  Is there a form you have to sign or something, that says you’ll use that quote whenever you talk about Lovecraft?  I mean, here are some other Lovecraft quotes:

I am well-nigh resolv’d to write no more tales but merely to dream when I have a mind to, not stopping to do anything so vulgar as to set down the dream for a boarish Publick.
Read more at:

I am essentially a recluse who will have very little to do with people wherever he may be. I think that most people only make me nervous –
Read more at:

“But as for jam or jelly—I am your utter opposite, for I like it so well that I pile on amounts thicker than the bread which sustains them!” (to J. Vernon Shea, 10 November 1931) from

But no, it’s always gotta be “the oldest and stongest …” yada yada yada.

Lemme tell you, buster – if you open a horror game with an HPL quote about strawberry jam, gamers would be wetting their shorts with terror.  What’s that?  What’s jam got to do with horror?  That’s my point!  What does it have to do with horror, and can our febrile minds survive knowing that unspeakable gelatinous truth?!?

You see?  You have to think outside the box, especially because in non-Euclidean geometry, the box actually looks kind of like one of those Blair Witch stick men:


But I think I’m getting sidetracked.  Oh, right – Call of Cthulhu: Far Harbor.

No, stop that, Raymond!

Although you do have to admit:

Far Harbor


The similarities are eerie, although I’m going to assume in the Cthulhu game you don’t have a machine gun.  ‘Cause we did once, in a pen-and-paper session, and while eldritch monstrosities might strike fear into professors of antiquarian literature, they don’t do much against a 7 foot Rastafarian with a Thompson gun.

Not that it would matter – if you shot Cthulhu, he’d just reform in 15 min… <taze>

Thanks, I needed that.

From the trailer, it appears that our hapless investigator has stumbled on a sinister plot to raise up Our Lord and Destroyer, Great Cthulhu.

Be in a Cthulhu game, they said.  It will be fun, they said.

So we know right away that you won’t be able to customize your character – no battling the unspeakable evil as a 90 year paraplegic with asthma.  Which is disappointing, as part of the fun of Cthulhu games was designing ludicrously inappropriate characters, then loading them down with crippling shoggoth-induced neuroses, until the game became a race to see who could overdose on lithium the fastest.  Good times!

One the other tentacle, the plot will be more involved than just survival horror.  That will be a nice change of pace.  Also, apparently at some point you will have to fight Casper the Friendly Ghost:

Sheet ghost

So let’s just hope to heck Wendy doesn’t show up, ’cause she can mess some sh^t up.

Call of Cthulhu is releasing some time in 2017, assuming we aren’t all dead of the zika virus, or whatever it is they’re testing up here.

Cthulhusattva: Tales of the Black Gnosis




The stars are right.

After eons of anticipation, I can announce that my short story We Three Kings will be published in Cthulhusattva: Tales of the Black Gnosis, by Martian Migraine Press.


The Bible says that Three Wise Men came from the East to pay worship to the Christ Child.  The real truth is far more terrible …



Pre-orders are available now at and any cultist who orders before May 23rd will also be entered into the Pre-Order Prize Contest of Utter Madness!  Ok, I made that name up, but the contest is real – see the link for details.  But that’s not all!  Just for my readers, I am revealing here, for the first (and only) time, that one lucky winner will receive, at no additional charge, a free story recital by me!  Provided, that is, you are willing to meet me at the Peppermill Casino in Reno and listen to the drunken ramblings of a half-mad poet.  It’ll be fun!

(Special offer for Alturas residents – the Casino bar here is also acceptable.  Please provide a pitchy of Icthyosaurus Pale Ale.)

So shamble on over to Martian Migraine Press and order sum unspeakable tomes of eldritch evil.  SAN loss guaranteed!

Also, some preparatory reading …








Easter Astronomy and Sunken City update

Happy Easter!

As we all learned in school, Easter is celebrated on the first Sunday following the third full moon during a conjunction of Saturn and Mercury in the constellation Ursa Minor … ok, I’m confused; what this has to do with chocolate rabbits, I don’t know.

Hopefully this article can explain.

Okay, simple enough – something something … ooh, the equinox!  Now we’re cooking!  The equinox falls halfway between the solstices, when day and night are equally long.  From here, the days will begin to get longer, leading up to the summer solstice, the longest day of the year.

If you were the type of person (i.e., one with more patience than I’ve ever had, and also one with a fancy camera) who would take a picture of the sun at its highest point in the sky, every day, and then superimpose those pictures, you’d get something called an annalemma:


The point where the figure eight meets are the equinoxes; the sun crosses once in the spring and once in the fall.

Unless, of course, Mithra held the world still, and the sun traced that path in a single day.  Imagine looking up and seeing the sun and stars all superimposed on the twilight sky … that’s the stuff of nightmares.  Or religions …

… but until then, it’s time for boiled eggs and chocolate rabbits, because it’s the Sunday after the first full moon following the vernal equinox …

ech.  My head hurts.  Simple version:

Easter is when the stars are right.

Speaking of eldritch monstrosities, Frogwares Games has an update on Sunken City.  I think their focus on urban design (if you notice, the writer has a PhD in urban planning, which is more qualification than I will ever have for anything) is a good sign they’re on the right track.  Lovecraft and I share a passion for urban landscapes.  For me, it’s not as much the architecture as the possibility of discovering some secret place – a hidden street, an unusual house (which could only be, at minimum, the lair of a sinister haunt) or even a hidden time: a quality to the gloaming of a spring evening as the lights in the distance can suddenly cross darkened space to impress themselves upon you.  I’m even starting to sound like him, don’t I?

The level of thought they’re putting into the geography means they’ve hopefully caught some of what Lovecraft was really about, which wasn’t always tentacles and aliens, but an overwhelming sense of place.

But that’s not until 2017.  In the meantime, let’s celebrate the rebirth of nature by eating baby chickens.  Never made sense to me.


The Council of Nicea, Part II: Easter

As we discussed in a previous post, Emperor Constantine called the Council of Nicea for two reasons:

  1.  To decide which version of Christianity would be considered orthodox, and which would be condemned as heresies.  In the process, the books of the Bible were canonized.
  2. To rewrite the story of Christianity in order to serve his agenda.

What did Constantine need to hide?

We know that due to a “mistranslation” in Matthew (actually done at Constantine’s express orders) Jesus’ promise to turn his followers into “fish-men” – that is, Deep One hybrids – was taken to mean “fishers of men.”

As a consequence, many of Jesus’ promises – or bribes, might be more accurate – had to be reinterpreted to align with the new Roman Christianity.  For example, Christ’s promise of eternal life was obviously meant to apply to the children of these abominable unions – the undying hybrid spawn of the disciples and the Deep Ones lurking in their cities just off the Mediterranean coast.

We shall swim out to that brooding reef in the sea and dive down through black abysses to Cyclopean and many-columned Y’ha-nthlei, and in that lair of the Deep Ones we shall dwell amidst wonder and glory for ever.

— -HP Lovecraft, The Shadow Over Innsmouth

Similarly, his followers would walk upon “streets paved with gold” not in some mythical heaven, but in their sunken cities, which is also why  Jesus commanded his followers to spurn earthly wealth – after all, Jesus drove the moneylenders from the temple in his messianic zeal to bring about a utopia of infinite wealth and freedom.

The time would be easy to know, for then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and revelling in joy.

— HP Lovecraft, The Promise of the Necronomicon

By accepting silver from the Romans, rather than the gold that the Christ promised, Judas showed where his ultimate loyalty lay – not with Rome, per se, but with humanity.  And it is revealed in the Gnostic Gospel of Judas that he was Yeshua’s most trusted disciple.  If even his most trusted friend could betray him upon learning the Truth, what terrible secrets must have been left out of the Bible?

Precisely why the Council of Nicea delcared gnosticism a heresy punishable by death.


“In those days came John the Baptist, preaching in the wilderness of Judaea,”

— Matthew 3:1-17


Domenico Ghirlandaio [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

A messianic revolutionary cult was already alive and well in Israel at the time of Jesus’ birth.  Dozens of Jewish rebels, self-proclaimed saviors half-mad from sunstroke and famine, lurked in the Judean desert, raising up armed insurgents and waging guerilla war against Rome, only to be crushed, time after time, by the Legions.

Jesus was the leader they thought they had been looking for.  The story of Jesus’ life is strangely incomplete – we know of his birth in Bethlehem, and then nothing until he  is nearly thirty. Where did he go during his “Lost Years?”

Perhaps under the sea?

There, his hybrid DNA would have been unlocked, allowing him to access abilities that would seem magical to the outlaws and revolutionaries who infested the deserts of Israel – what is walking on water to someone who’s half alien fish?  Loaves and fishes?  Even Obadiah Marsh demanded more than that.

And Jesus gathered unto him twelve disciples – revolutionaries who, all unknowing, became the first leaders of a cult that lives on to this day.

But of course, the story doesn’t end there.  In  Gethsemane, Judas, most faithful of the disciples, kissed the man he had once loved before turning him in to the authorities.  Torn by the realization that everything he loved had been a lie, Judas ended his life in Potter’s Field.  The other disciples, horrified at the awful truth that had been revealed to them, renounced their beliefs.

“Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.” — Mark, 14:30

… all except one: the Most Beloved Disciple.  Jesus’ Wife.  Mary Magdalene.


By Domenico Tintoretto – Google Art Project: Home – pic Maximum resolution., Public Domain,

The story of Easter is a story of betrayal and loss; as Mary looked upon her husband … her god … dying on the cross, she must have seen her future dying as well.  All hope was lost.  The cult was shattered, the plans of the Deep Ones ruined, the disciples scattered.  But there were secrets, hidden against that day …

… for Easter is also a story of hope; of rebirth.  But not, as the Church would have you believe, as survival of the old.  It is the celebration of new life – the egg, the baby rabbit, the first bloom of spring.

Jesus died on the cross, but his final message to Mary was that she was pregnant.

“Let not your heart be troubled . . . . in My Father’s house there are many mansions” (Jn. 14:1,2)

Mary Magdalene, whore of Shub-Niggurath, was to be the Mother of the Thousand Young … the bloodline between the Deep Ones and the Elder Things would survive … for there is a legend, in another place, of a king sired by a sea monster … but that shall come later.

Meanwhile, the Deep Ones turned their attention to a far more promising target than Israel – Rome itself.

In our next post, we examine the most unexpected rebirth of all – the disbanded  Cult of Yeshua, betrayed by its disciples, finds its savior in a Jew who once swore to oppose all it stood for:

Saul of Tarsus, Traitor of Man, Savior of the Savior




Cover image attribution: By Leonardo da Vinci – High resolution scan by in collaboration with the Italian ministry of culture. Scan details, Public Domain,

The Council of Nicea, Part I: Rewriting History

Spring is coming, which means Easter will be here soon, the most important – and misunderstood – of the Christian holidays.  A story of ultimate loss, and the hidden revelation of redemption; a message of hope that began  as a tragedy.

What is the true story of Easter?  Was it that Jesus died on the cross, to be reborn three days later?  Or something more … complicated?

It’s important to remember that much of the New Testament was written hundreds of years after the Anointed One’s death … it is difficult, if not impossible, to determine what is based on historical truth, and what might have been added later, as Christianity developed.  Of the four gospels, for instance, only Luke and Matthew record the Nativity of Jesus.

The books that became the New Testament weren’t fully finalized until the Council of Nicea, some three centuries after Jesus’s death.  The same council which, not coincidentally, declared Gnostic Christianity a heresy.  In the three hundred years between the Crucifixion and the Council, Christianity had gone from a Jewish heresy promulgated by a minor cult into the official religion of the Roman Empire.  Why?  What drew Constantine to the story of a Jewish carpenter who died on a cross?  Could it be that there was something more, some promise that had to be kept secret?

“Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.”
— Matthew 10:34

The truth is that Jesus died on the cross.  His very name proclaims it – Jesus the Christ, the Anointed One.  Only two kinds of people are anointed: the holy and the dead.  The Anointed One was dead to the Tribes of Israel, an abomination so unthinkable they excommunicated him from their midst.  Remember that it was the Jews who condemned Jesus; Pontius Pilate offered Barrbas to the crowd, but they said no.  He warned them history would not judge them kindly, but the crowd replied “his blood is on our hands.”  Not blood libel, as the histories would have us believe – pride.

“Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you…”
— Matthew 5:11

What could have been so horrible that the crowd would prefer the freedom of a condemned criminal?  Israel bordered the land of the Phillistines – David’s battle with Goliath was against a Phillistine warrior.


By Cush – Own work, CC0,

Archaeology has been strangely silent about the Phillistines; the best consensus so far is that they may possibly be related to the “Sea Peoples” who invaded Egypt about this time.  If so, it explains why there is so little evidence for them, as this invasion, or mass migration, or what have you, disrupted the entire Near Eastern world.

If they were somehow related to the Sea Peoples, it gives us our first clue to the real meaning of Easter – a link to the ocean.

We can also be fairly certain they spoke some form of Semitic language, since most of their names, and the names of their gods, were Semitic.

Dagon, for instance.

Now we have a link between the Phillistines and the Cthulhu cult, in the form of an Old One who is somehow connected with Great Cthulhu – as priest, follower, perhaps son or father, if those terms can even be said to apply to such entities.

The Old Testament portrays the Jewish conquest of Canaan, and the wars with the Phillistines, as a holy obligation, a commandment from YHWY.  Modern readers have interpreted this as just authorial bias on the part of the rabbis who compiled the book.

What if the academics are wrong?  What if Israel was fighting a holy war?

We know the Jews came up out of Egypt, the most ancient and unhallowed land in the Near East.  Were they running from something – only to find it waiting for them on the plains of Negev?

“And it was then that Nyarlathotep came out of Egypt.”
— HP Lovecraft

The Council of Nicea decided what books should be in the Bible – did they also edit those books?  They must have – in an era when everything was hand copied by half-blind, most likely half-mad scribes working in cramped, dark monastery cells, it would have been inevitable that small differences would arise from book to book.  The Luke of Alexandria may not have been the Luke of Constantinople.  Someone had to go through and make certain that everyone was reading the same thing.

That someone, then, could just have easily ordered a certain … troublesome passage to be rewritten.

“And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.”
— Matthew 4:19

Or was it fishmen?


In Part II, we’ll look at why Christianity survived the death of Jesus, and the real meaning of the Easter festival.






The Space Bankers

This blog will be my final record.  Let them say what they will about me – lurid allegations regarding livestock abuse, rumors and innuendo so horrid no one will speak my name for a hundred years.  It won’t matter, because I said this first.

Kill the name, and the body will die.  The Egyptians knew that.  And the Romans.

Damnatio memoriae.  And so let it be.  They will lie to discredit my story.  Blood libel; it goes that far back – as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be.  Then and now.  Salt the fields.   Carthage to Cosby.  No one just disappears.  First they erase your name in time’s memory, convince the world you’re not worth worrying about.  When no one cares, anymore, then they come for you – and no one left will question, anymore, why you haven’t been heard from, what the trial verdict was, why a canvas bag was seen dumped into the Alviso slough one mighnight.  A missed hit on an Internet search database, nothing more.  I tell you now to pay no attention to the lies that will come.  I’m innocent1.  If tomorrow I am arrested, it is because today I told the truth.

They say the aliens came to teach us.  They say they built the pyramids, gave the Mayans advanced technology, and claimed to be the gods of the Sumerians.  Part of this is true.
They did visit Earth, at the dawn of civilization – but it wasn’t the Egyptians they taught, nor the Mayans.  The pyramids are proof of nothing except that von Daniken had a limited imagination and even weaker math skills.
This is interstellar technology?
By Tilemahos Efthimiadis from Athens, Greece [CC BY 2.0 (, via Wikimedia Commons
It makes no sense to suggest that these aliens simultaneously:
1.  Wanted to give us something so mind-blowing advanced that it was obviously alien technology and
2.  It looked just like something a fairly smart primitive person could invent himself.
Obviously these hypothetical aliens must have an anthropology even more advanced than their physics if they were able to make their contributions so close to coincidental discovery.  A little less advanced, and we’d never be able to tell it wasn’t of native origin.  Any more advanced and that lucky civilization would have taken over the world rather than doing what they actually did, which was going extinct and leaving all these mysterious ruins all over the place.
Think about it – what if, instead of a crappy little battery, the aliens had given the Egyptians, say … assault rifles?  Remember, these are the guys who thought chariots were pretty hot tech.
Mk. IV “Cobra” from HoTep Martin

By w:Ippolito Rosellini, Ippolito Rosellini on the Franco-Tuscan Expedition of 1828 [CC BY-SA 3.0 (, GFDL ( or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

You can imagine what they would have done with a howitzer.  Antony and Cleopatra … well, there wouldn’t have been a Cleopatra, because she was Greek, and the Egyptians would have conquered the world a thousand years before that.

Any primitive tribe that was given, as von Daniken seems to think, something so astronomically advanced as to be beyond Earthly invention would have used that technology to take over the forest, the continent, and eventually the world.

So, if we want to know who the aliens really visited, all we have to do is look at who rules the world today.

Trump ftaghn

Forget peyote and pyramids … we were visited by the Space Bankers.

Obviously, 10,000 years ago, ancient aliens made contact with a primitive tribe of White Republican accountants dwelling somewhere on the shore of the Thames.  The aliens taught them the secrets of double-entry bookkeeping and usurious interest, and with that they have taken over the world.  Perhaps someday those ancient ones will return to teach them more …

… or perhaps the truth is far more sinister …

between climate change denial, gutting the EPA, and personally shooting Bambi’s mom, today’s GOP is busy trying to turn the world into an Indian casino ashtray, and doing a pretty good job.  In twenty, maybe thirty years, if we don’t take drastic action, the world may be uninhabitable, at least for humans2.

Add to this the fact that when the housing market crashed, the net result was a transfer of vast quantities of land into the hands of a few wealthy landowners.  From one perspective, the entire housing bubble was simply a massive land grab the scale of which we are only now beginning to perceive.  And one we cannot recover from, because the crippling levels of student debt the average American is lodestoning around means a mortgage is out of reach for any but the wealthy.

In effect, we have become a corporate feudalism – no money, no land, and, perhaps soon, no rights.  All of the money and influence have gone upward, into the hands of a few aristocrats who might as well be royalty, for all the difference democracy makes.
Which makes one wonder – not even King Saud can live on a planet suffering from runaway greenhouse effect.  And surely even he doesn’t think he’s proof against the mob rule that will follow a mass breakdown in society?  The 1% still have to live on the same planet as the rest of us.
Or do they?
And that, my friends … that is the secret they will jail me for.
The rich have no plans for this planet because they aren’t staying here.  All the money and power have filtered upward and distilled like nectar in a flower, and the rich are the fruit of that flower, the greatest acolytes of the Space Bankers.  Their time is drawing near, which is why income inequality has increased so rapidly.  The rich have dispossessed us of what we will no longer need, but they will – all of that stolen capital has gone to fund Elon Musk’s Space X, and the ships that will come after it, ships capable of reaching the Outer Planets.
The wealthy are building escape pods for the equally wealthy, and the rest of us will die on a sweltering earth as they ascend beyond the orbit of Jupiter to join the ranks of the Ascended Accountants.
It was always meant to be this way.  The entire plan of the Space Bankers was to set in motion a long term breeding and sorting program to create the finest financial minds Homo Sapiens could produce.  All the rest  … the rest of us – are merely failed byprodcuts of that experiment.
  1. Well, except for the indecent exposure charge, but that’s only because the cats don’t seem to understand that demanding they go in and out and in and out and in and out 13 times an hour doesn’t work well at 3 in the morning when I’m buck ass nekkid. Also, the drunk in public one. Drunk and disorderly. Drunk and orderly. Generally disorderly. But not the stuff about goats.
  2. I know that’s worse than even most climatologists say. Nature has a way of acting highly nonlinearly, and when we reach the tipping point, I think it will be faster and worse than anyone anticipated.