Fallout 4: Invasion of the Moddy Snatchers

Looks like I got two choices: start a new game, or reload a save from before the failed quest that bugged me, which would be … lesse … November … 2014.  Good thing I wasn’t emotionally invested in my character or anything.  Man, it would have sucked if I’d bought a whole new computer just to play this game, and then started a blog about it, and sunk hours upon hours into it.  That would have sucked.

Well … hell.  If we’re gonna do it, we’re gonna do it right. I didn’t pay all this money for this shiny new machine to be playing vanilla.

It’s modding time!

Lesse see … I made some notes on my mod choices, but first off, I’ve been working from 10 AM -10 PM tonight; but from 2-9 PM I was paid in beer, so coherence is a secondary item on my menu tree.

What to install?  How about –

Replace nukes with teddy bears. (F^ck yeah, Albuquerque! Teddy Ruxpin, b^tches!)

I thought about the “vault booty” mod, but let’s see what vanilla booty does first … and how is that even a sentence I am typing?

I … I’m not ready for naked Piper yet.

I did get the “sexy vaultsuit pack” just because it looked more “’50s pinup” than “sad hentai emulator” and because it wouldn’t feel right to mod a game without at least one sexah mod.

I also got the “sexy nurse outfit” one … I dunno if it will do anything for my character, but I have a general rule that nurses should raise your blood pressure if at all possible …

… and of course, no Fallout game would be complete without a giant Bob Ross head in the sky.

After watching approximately 1 zillion youTube Fallout videos, I decided I wanted to try the female character, partly for the roleplaying experience, partly because I think the voice actress is better, and partly because I have explored all the hairstyle options available for the guy.  And so:

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Sweet mother of Krug what is it?!?  KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Yeah, it’s easy to go very far astray using the “sculpt” option for character design.  My advice is: always pick the presets.  Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to align the eyes and nose while making sure you have a properly balanced earlobe weight, and that was lies madness.

Not that there’s only one way to hit the Uncanny Valley:

Eyes
You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise…

But finally,

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Ms. California Forthwith

I was ready to go run amuk in the Wasteland, all jacked up on Nuka Cola and Tic Tacs.  Well, once I found some horn-rim glasses and got a beehive hairdo.  Speaking of which …

… huh.  I don’t see options for the “extra hairstyles” mod I installed.  Maybe I wasn’t paying attention.  Never mind – let’s get to the Vault, ditch this loser, and go marauding.

I think there’s supposed to be more there, like more of the person.

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Definitely seems a little off.

Well, that’s half the fun of mods, is the complete devastation they wreak on your game.  Let’s just uninstall the vault suit mod and be on our way.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t installed any “turn radroaches into Kylo Ren” or anything like that, so I wasn’t able to test anything in the Vault.  I beat feet out into the Commonwealth, and was wandering around, just enjoying shooting the crap out of everything now that I had sum idea how to play the game … wait.  What is that glowy thing in the sky?  Is that the moon?  Why isn’t it Bob Ross?!?

Turns out that since Bethesda hasn’t actually formally sanctioned mods yet, you have to edit your .ini file, the file that has all your game presets in it, in order for it to accept them.

Fortunately, the folks at Nexus Mods gave us sum instructions.

Warning: editing your .ini file will destroy your game, your computer, and possibly your life.  You’ll wake up one morning to find your house repossessed, your credit rating gone, and your wife has run off to Mexico to live in sin with the .ini file.  So I highly recommend it.  I used to do it with the 911 software at the alarm company.

Now I had a problem: if my calculations were correct, all my mods should now be fully armed and operational, but I was stuck in the Museum of Freedom in Concord, and nowhere near the moon or any nuclear teddy bears.

Hmm … the thing to do would be to find another mod, one that I could test immediately.  Like maybe some new armor …

… like a Darth Vader outfit with matching pink lightsaber?

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The Farce is strong with this one.

I eventually dumped the Vader armor ’cause it looked weird in the glow from the lightsaber, and how am I even writing that sentence in Fallout 4?

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But the lightsaber does something like 100+ damage, which made the Deathclaw boss fight kinda … well, I was gonna record it, but I killed the damn thing so fast I couldn’t even hit the video capture button.

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Raider scum

I didn’t even bother bein’ tactical, I just walked right up and starting laying waste.  It felt good, Quicker … easier … you know what, Preston?  Why don’t ya go cool yer heels in Sanctuary?  I got some killin’ to do.

And even though, like Anakin, I learned the limitations of the Dark Side (or, in this case, Pink Side) …

I was still bringing death to the Unbeliever.  Well, and the Beliver, and every frickin thing else I could lay my little lightsabery hands on.

Until the car bomb almost killed me.

Actually, it was a combination of a couple of mines that then set of the car, under Fallout’s theory of always adding insult to injury.  Fortunately, there was a mattress right there, so I was able to take sum Buffout and sleep it off.  And when I awoke, there He was, beaming down from the Heavens to bestow his giant afro blessing on my wholesame homicide …

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